A Collegewise family I worked with years ago had an endearing dynamic. During our meetings together, the mother would routinely say to the father, “Honey, stop talking.”
No qualified family therapist would recommend one partner routinely shut down the other like this. But in this case, Mom only silenced Dad when he talked for their daughter.
“She’s interested in. . .”
“She needs an environment where. . .”
“She’s very strong in math. . .”
“We need to highlight her strengths in. . .”
“Why is this school on the list? She doesn’t want. . .”
Every time, gently but directly, Mom would interject, “Honey, stop talking.”
And every time he stopped, it gave their daughter space to start.
Today, their daughter is a Stanford graduate, a successful talent agent in Hollywood, recently married and raising a (very cute) dog. And while her dad beams with pride when talking about her, he no longer talks for her.
The more engaged kids are with their own college process, the more favorable the outcomes will be. And one of the best ways for parents to help is to occasionally remind themselves to stop—and allow their kids space to start.
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